The events as recalled in folk song and legend. Names changed to protect the innocent.

When looking back at the Port Sunlight tour to Benidorm I remember most the self-assured words of tour leader and heart attack victim Blakey on the first night as we exited Alicante airport on the Friday night "Well there have been no major %*!# ups and it's all going swimmingly!" Oh how that misplaced confidence would return to bite him as he was involved in the taxi dash from hell to catch his flight courtesy of Graham Cook leaving his passport back at the hotel.

The theme of the tour was bed hopping. And not in good way. Due to the combination of lack of door keys and extreme alcohol abuse the main goal when returning to the hotel was to find someone to let you in, then find the first bed that was empty and occupy it! Si Byrne failed on this count spending two nights on the floor ? an unexpected turn of events which he bore with his usual good grace. Other causalities included Mike Mac. Thrown out of his own room for not yet being old enough to claim a pension. Paddy who made full use of all the facilities the beach had to offer and even El Presidente, spotted asleep on a bench, just like a wino. He's an example to us all.

Casualty was a theme before even a game had been played. The Man with No Name received a nasty chafe wound after his pants split due to lager induced swelling. Danny Bonner tripped on a particularly flat and unimpeded piece of floor. Eschewing normal practice of putting out his hands the canny lad used his front teeth to break his fall. Clever. Undisputed winner though was Barry Mac who managed to bust his wrist, ankle and lose his wallet in the first three hours in Spain. How he then maintained 48 hours of extreme inebriation is anyone's guess. Good effort!

The second night was somewhat quieter than the first enlivened only by the eternal quest of the younger members for the fabled Sticky Vicky and also by Terry Macs purchase of a foot long seafood sub which he refused to share with any one. Instead he achieved the world speed eating record of 11 seconds. This was beaten by the velocity the whole thing came back up with approximately two minutes later.

On the playing front tour wisdom was once again to the fore. With the All Blacks unavailable Sunlight settled for taking on Spanish National League opposition who allegedly fielded three internationals. They were young, fit, well drilled and most importantly sober. We weren't, indeed some of the boys were still drunk having only called it a night at 8am in order to have some breakfast. A merciful 30 minutes each way saw Rugby La Vila desperately holding on to a slender 59-0 lead.

More hungover rugby followed on the Sunday in the blazing heat of a fiesta. Sunlight managed a slightly better showing going down 29-10 to Denia. The bulimic Terry Mac and Jonesy getting the scores. The backs amused themselves by waving through the opposition matador style. Jonesy invented a fiendish new move "The Triple D" which lead to a Denia score when having dummied everyone in his own three-quarters he dummied himself, lost sight of the skeletal Pete McArdle he passed straight to the grateful Denia winger. He was nearly out done in cock up stakes by Paddy's audacious looping 35 yard pass straight to the Denia centre for another score. However the undisputed winner and tour clown was Graham Cooke for managing to run (Cookey run?) 20 yards towards his own try line whilst juggling the ball behind his own neck before obligingly knocking it on into the Denia hands for another score.
Still at least the lager was cold and the fireworks were loud.

A great tour. Cheers Blakey.